Ten seeds nestle in the black-brown cracked-leather pod. If we were to name them, they might be love, joy, generosity, sorrow, regret, self-regard, illusion, wisdom, despair, hope. They were bright when they were new, and though they have faded they have not lost their potential, nor any of their power. They stir, tapping restlessly against the lining that holds them whenever the pod is moved or shaken. Let us call the pod memory.
Everyone told Jill to walk away, but she was already in too deep.
‘When Jill Hopper first met Arif, they were living in a shared house on the island of Osney in the River Thames. Surrounded by willow trees, birds and reflections, it was an idyllic home. But no sooner had they begun to fall in love than Arif was given the news that he had only a few months to live. Everyone told Jill to walk away, but she was already in too deep.’ (Saraband)
With delicate dignity, Jill Hopper has pried open the dark husk of the mahogany pod, Arif’s parting gift to her, and revealed the human treasures within. Her memoir tells of a great love, a great loss, an ending and a beginning. With grace and humour, she tells us what it was like to be in love with Arif and to be loved by him in return. In holding the mahogany pod open before us, Hopper also holds her open heart. What courage it must have taken to invite our scrutiny.
Hopper writes with an affable fluidity, a deceptive simplicity that is as honest as it is heart-breaking. Her narrative is light-footed; a dance, rather than a march, choreographed against our expectations of linear time. Memory is not linear. It scatters like beads from a broken necklace as we scramble to gather them up: now this is the most precious; now this; now this. But in the pattern of remembering there is order, too. Hopper has framed her story in a way that makes sense. She does not spare us, but she prepares us. She is kind.
A book which could have been crushing in its sorrow is ultimately a bittersweet celebration. This is not a handbook or self-help manual. It does not tell us how to face death. But it should make us think again about how we face life.